There is a running theme in my life this past year. God has been removing things from my life. This past February my ex-husband got fired from his job and stopped paying child support. Around that same time I was really feeling like God wanted me to quite my job. If I quite my job I would then have zero income. That sounds crazy, but I knew that is what God wanted for me and that He would take care of us. I did quite my job and that was a great decision because my kids are so much happier since I've been home. I still have not received any child support and I did go to zero income, but God has put people in my life to take care of my children and me in ways I never thought possible.
This past June my camera broke. A camera that I used all the time. I loved my camera! My son loved that camera too. He loves to take videos, and make stop motion movies with tons of pictures. That camera was used often! In the same week that my camera broke, several other things broke. I can't even remember what they were now, but I had quite a string of broken items that week.
In August I was in a major car accident where I rolled my car into a ravine. It completely totaled my car. That's now gone. Not having full coverage insurance I am now out of a vehicle. For a month I tried parting out the car, but I had no one come to buy anything. So it was scrapped. I got a little money from the scrap yard, but not much. I am going to be getting some grant money left over from my college expenses from this semester, but that's not much either. I was hoping that if I put that all together and sold some things that I would have enough money to buy a new car. All together though I would have only been able to come up with about $1200. That's not much for a car. Even if it was enough owning a vehicle at this point wont work. Let me tell you why.
A few weeks after I wrecked my car I was informed that we were no longer going to be receiving food stamps. We had been receiving $526 a month. Removing over five hundred dollars from my income was pretty devastating. My parent's and I ended up both putting in more money for food, but our food budget is no where near what it was. I have discovered couponing and price matching though so that is working out for the most part, but that is a topic for another blog post. The point of that story is that since I'm putting more money in the food budget I no longer have money for insurance and vehicle expenses.
I was still hoping that I could work out the insurance side of things and get a car with whatever money I could come up with. Then we needed things. My son had two pairs of long pants and he grew out of those so he took over a pair of his sisters. (They were the same as his just a bigger size) Madi really needed those pants though because she only had three pairs of long pants herself. One of her pairs of jeans got a hole in the inside of the leg. So she was down to a pair she really didn't like and then the pair that Jon-Paul overtook. Well that wasn't going to work so I used some of the money from the car to buy them some new clothes. Luckily I was able to find some really good deals. Life was happening around my plans. Things kept coming up that I needed money for and my car money kept being spent on those things. Now I'm to the point where I need some serious dental work done that I can't afford, even with the money for the car. Anyway, I slowly had to accept the fact that I think God doesn't want me to have a car. I don't know why. The same reason He doesn't want me to have a camera, or a house, or new clothes, or straight teeth, or, or, or, or. It's not like we're destitute. We do have a great place to live and we are managing to get enough food on the table, but we don't have much more than that. I'm sure this is just a small chapter in my life. This too shall pass, right?
After Erik left I wanted nothing more than for him to come back. I prayed and prayed that he would. Now I am so happy that God didn't answer that prayer. That reminds me of that Garth Brooks song, "Sometimes I thank God for unanswered prayers." This life I have is so, way, totally, incredibly better than that old life with Erik. I always knew that God knew what He was doing, but to see it so clearly like that was very enlightening. It really taught me not to pray for specific things to happen, like for Erik to come back, or for a camera, or a car, but to just pray for God's will. Having close to nothing right now is not really what I would choose for my life, but having Erik leave wasn't what I chose either. There is something much better for me through this time. Knowing that makes living through this time easier, but not pleasant. I could really use prayers for peace and contentment, and patience to wait on God's plan.
I will end with lyrics to a couple more songs. Great songs to live by!
Blessed be your name
In the land that is plentiful
Where the streams of abundance flow
Blessed be your name
Blessed be your name
When I'm found in the desert place
Though I walk through the wilderness
Blessed be your name
Every blessing you pour out,
I'll turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say...
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be your glorious name
Blessed be your name
When the sun's shining down on me
When the world's all as it should be
Blessed be your name
Blessed be your name
On the road marked with suffering
Though there's pain in the offering
Blessed be your name
Every blessing you pour out,
I'll turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say...
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be your glorious name
You give and take away
You give and take away
My heart will choose to say
Lord, Blessed be your name
And of course I have to include my very favorite song of all time! "It is Well"
When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,
when sorrows like sea billows roll;
whatever my lot, thou hast taught me to say,
It is well, it is well with my soul.
It is well (it is well) with my soul (with my soul)
It is well, it is well with my soul.
I pray you will all have peace and contentment through whatever you are going through as well. Believe today is a good day!